So, for the first time in three decades, the Teamsters aren't endorsing a presidential candidate. Jimmy Hoffa is turning over in his grave, which is really going to mess with the foundation of Hillary's house. True, with the exception of 1996, the Teamsters have endorsed a Democrat in every election since '92. Bill Clinton, Gore, John Kerry, Obama, Hillary, Joe Biden. Even without Hillary, that's a real murderer's row. The last Republican the Teamsters endorsed was the first George Bush. That's just how much Michael Dukakis sucked. How ironic. They were in the tank for every Dem except the Dem in the tank.
But ever since then, the union has been in the Democratic Party's pocket since Hillary stopped having sex. But like a high school yearbook photo of Leah Thomas, things have changed. Now they're staying away from the Democratic Party like it's a bathroom just used by Andrea Mitchell. Kamala losing the union endorsement is like ‘P Diddy’ running out of baby oil, there's a whole lot of friction ahead.
This week, the Teamsters released the results of three internal polls asking who the Teamsters should endorse for president. In July, Joe Biden clearly won at 44%, with Trump at 36%. But a straw poll is as good as it gets for Biden, because everything Joe gets these days is through a straw. But when Teamsters polled their members about the Dems' new candidate, Kackles McKneepads, Trump came out way ahead at almost 60%. Kamala? Only 34. Now, I'm no math whiz, but 60 is a lot more than 34. I realized that last week on my birthday, when I was staring at a waitress. And in a phone poll conducted within the past week, Kamala got worse results than Chris Christie selling Jenny Craig.
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She's sitting at 31% compared to Trump's 58. No wonder Kamala has been ducking and dodging the press like Trump on the back nine. And that latest poll came before the second assassination attempt. Every time they try to kill Trump, it's like Bluto giving Popeye cans of spinach. But despite Teamsters embracing Trump, they decided to endorse nobody. And like those mimes in my basement, their silence speaks volumes.
Here's how union leadership rationalized it. "The union's extensive member polling showed no majority support for VP Harris and no universal support among the membership for Trump." So, no universal support for Trump? He beat her by almost 30 points in the Teamsters' own polls. But they're not endorsing him because he didn't get 100%. Sorry, the only thing that will ever be 100% is my commitment to helping orphans learn to read. Wow. I expected applause there, but that's OK.
So why the silence? Well, what are the Teamsters? Men, blue-collar working men. Mainly the men who fix my plumbing, deliver my packages, and install a mirror over my bed. This intra-union dispute reflects what a lot of men are going through. A husband or boyfriend may like Trump, but to keep the peace, he keeps his mouth shut. But you can see in his eyes twitching out this message: my ballot for Trump is under the flower pot. So no endorsement is an endorsement coming from men. Men of all stripes favor Trump, including the ones who think he's a jerk.
They'd rather have a brutal bada-- than a nonsensical nincompoop. True, Taylor Swift endorsed Kamala, which would mean something if we lowered the voting age to 12. But the Teamsters? That matters because, unlike their Democrat leaders, Teamsters have jobs where consequences can be life or death. Make a dumb choice on a construction site? Good luck yelling white fragility when you're falling 90 feet off a girder. And a lot of Teamsters are truckers. They know that when you raise their fuel costs or force them to switch to EVs, the price of everything goes up.
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But they're union leaders. They'd rather wash their hands of the whole thing like they just shook hands with Jerry Nadler's proctologist. But again, the race ain't about race. It's gender. Teamsters are mostly dudes who are tough, protective, sensible defenders of family and property. What do you do when all of that becomes an object of mockery? You flee faster than Tim Walz after a balloon pops. Men don't want to be in a place where they aren't wanted. And that's the current Democrat Party, where its leaders cannot define a woman but send men to women's prisons. But Trump knows that real men are the key to this election. Especially you, Harry.
DONALD TRUMP: Harry. Get up, Harry. Harry, get your fat a-- off of the couch. You're going to vote for Trump today, Harry. Get up, Harry. Come on, let's go. Let's go, Harry.
Let's see if Harry was listening.
