When Being a Good Samaritan Isn’t: The Hidden complexities of Estate Management

Have you ever noticed how quickly we say “yes” when a loved one asks us to handle their affairs? It’s a natural response – we want to help, to show we care, to be that dependable person they can count on. But in my decades as an estate attorney, I’ve learned that this well-intentioned “yes” can lead to unexpected challenges that few people are prepared to face. The truth is, managing someone else’s financial and legal affairs – whether as an executor or through power of attorney – is far more complex than most people realize. It’s a commitment that deserves careful consideration before making what could be a life-altering decision.

The Weight of Responsibility

Let me share something with you that I’ve seen play out countless times in my practice. Well-meaning friends and family members eagerly accept roles as executors or powers of attorney, only to find themselves drowning in responsibilities they never anticipated. It’s like watching someone volunteer to house-sit, not realizing they’ve actually signed up to manage an entire farm. The road to estate management hell is often paved with good intentions. I’ve witnessed countless capable professionals – doctors, teachers, executives – struggle with these duties, not because they lack intelligence, but because they simply don’t have the bandwidth to handle another major responsibility in their lives.

Understanding the Time Commitment

Think of being named as someone’s executor under a will or agent under a durable power of attorney as taking on a part-time job that could become full-time at any moment. I have seen family members or friends take on power of attorney duties for others  only to realize they  couldn’t manage urgent banking matters during their packed workday. The demands can be relentless and often come at the most inconvenient times. Medical emergencies don’t wait for your lunch break, and estate deadlines don’t care about your vacation plans. It’s crucial to understand that these roles often require immediate attention and quick decision-making.

The Emotional Toll

Here’s something they don’t tell you when you accept these roles – the emotional weight can be crushing. I have witnessed individuals struggle with guilt when trying to decide whether to deal with an issue in their fiduciary role or attend an event for a child. The intersection of familial duty and legal responsibility creates a unique kind of stress. You’re not just managing assets and paperwork; you’re often navigating family dynamics and long-standing relationships that can become strained under these circumstances.

The Knowledge Gap

Let me be frank – good intentions don’t file tax returns or navigate probate court. I’ve seen brilliant people struggle with the technical aspects of estate management, from understanding legal jargon to meeting court deadlines. It’s not just about being smart; it’s about having specific knowledge and experience. The learning curve can be steep and unforgiving. Missing a single deadline or filing requirement can have serious consequences, both for the estate and for you personally as the responsible party.

Financial Responsibilities and Risks

Here’s a sobering reality check – when you serve as an executor or agent, you’re handling someone else’s money and you are acting as a fiduciary. Mistakes made by fiduciaries can be costly. I’ve seen cases where well-meaning executors made investment decisions that resulted in significant losses, leading to family disputes and even legal action.  I’ve seen where agents miss a filing deadline or payment of a premium and see benefits lapse.Personal liability is a real concern that many people don’t consider when accepting these roles. You could be held personally responsible for mistakes or oversights, even if they were completely unintentional.

The Impact on Your Own Life

Let me tell you about a recent case that really drove this point home. A successful businessman accepted the role of executor for his uncle’s estate, thinking it would be straightforward. Six months later, he was postponing important business meetings to attend court hearings and spending weekends sorting through decades of financial records.Your own professional and personal obligations don’t go away when you take on these responsibilities. The juggling act can become overwhelming, and something eventually has to give.

When to Say No

It’s perfectly acceptable – and often wise – to decline these roles. I always tell my clients that saying no to being an executor or agent isn’t a rejection of the person asking; it’s an honest acknowledgment of your limitations and responsibilities.Consider your current life situation carefully before accepting. Are you in the middle of a career transition? Do you have young children? Are you caring for other family members? These factors should all weigh heavily in your decision.

Alternatives and Professional Options

It is often ideal if a competent, experienced friend or family member can take on these roles.  Such an individual who knows you, can make decisions in your best interest.  Personally, we have named our daughter and son as co-agents and co-administrators.They are both financially responsible, have no issues working with each other and live near us.  Our daughter is married to a Certified Financial Planner and our son is married to the CEO of a successful business. They have support and help if they need to assist  us.  However, our situation is unique in my experience. There’s a reason professional fiduciaries and trust companies exist. They have the expertise, time, and resources to handle these responsibilities effectively. I’ve seen many estates run much more smoothly when managed by professionals rather than well-meaning family members.The cost of hiring a professional might seem high at first, but it often pays for itself in terms of efficiency, proper management, and peace of mind for all involved.

The Importance of Honest Communication

If you’re currently serving in one of these roles and feeling overwhelmed, it’s crucial to speak up early. I’ve helped many clients transition these responsibilities to more suitable parties, and it’s always easier to do so before major problems arise. Having an open discussion about your limitations isn’t a sign of failure – it’s a mark of wisdom and responsibility. The sooner you address these concerns, the better for everyone involved.

Looking Forward: Preventive Measures

For those considering asking someone to serve in these roles, take time to really think about who you’re asking and what you’re asking of them. Consider breaking up responsibilities among multiple people or entities, rather than placing the entire burden on one person. It’s also worth considering professional options from the start, particularly if your estate is complex or if your family situation is complicated.